Sunday, November 28, 2010

Gettin SLIZZARD by the blizzard

Nationals was a learning experience. You would think that, at the mature age of 25, having run in 3 National and 4 CIS Championship XC races and having the responsibility of coach put on your shoulders for the day, that Nationals would no longer be a learning experience. However, I definitely proved that theory wrong. It started in the morning, when I couldn’t find my arm warmers. I was suddenly overcome with what I perceived to be a BRILLIANT idea – to cut the toes off my old compression socks and wear them on my arms. They were in fact the perfect length, though they were surprisingly tight around my bulging biceps. I couldn’t quite figure out how they were able to hug my calves comfortably yet cut off the circulation from my arms, but I attributed it to the large number of push-ups I’ve been doing recently. Nevertheless, I stuck with my plan and began to coordinate the rest of my attire. Now, the weather forecast called for snow and -2 degrees, with the 40km/h winds bringing it down to a chilly -10, with gusts up to 60km/h. Naturally I stuck to my plan of shorts, a singlet, gloves and my makeshift arm warmers. I had never been cold wearing this outfit and had run in plenty of winter-time cross-country races, so I didn’t give it much of a second thought. I would say that’s a piece of extremely brilliant reasoning.

On our drive to Guelph the skies went from blue and sunny, to cloudy, to dreary and dark, to a violent, wild blizzard. Seeing as it was my job to get the girls psyched up and ready to run hard, I began to complain like a five-year-old about the weather. I then pulled out several flasks from my bag and started a rap about getting slizzard after the blizzard. I have no doubt my words were inspirational and provided the girls with profound insight on why they should run hard that day. If that wasn’t damage enough, I proceeded to hand out the post-race goodie bags I had made for all the racers before they even began to run. What was the point of running hard now?

When we got to the course, we had trouble finding our tent (important piece of advice here: carry head coach’s cellphone number with you when you go to a National Championship. Just a thought.) We ended up starting our warm-up ten minutes later than planned; fortunately, however, the sun came out and it started to warm up considerably. At this point my arms were throbbing from my piercingly tight arm warmers, which I suffered through through the warm-up since they were practically glued to my skin and impossible to tear off. We ran the course forwards and backwards (the secret of CHAMPIONS) and headed to the start line. I was able to peel the compression armor from my poor biceps, which had turned blue and nearly started bruising at this point. Of course it began to cloud over once again and the winds came out to cheer us on, leaving me in shorts and a singlet sans arm coverage trying not to get blown off the startline. I was frozen. Unfortunately, once the gun went off the situation did not improve. I was frigid for the entire event (that’s-what-she-said) and all I could think about was how cold I was. I didn’t get the good start I had hoped for and again spent the whole race playing a game of catch-me-if-you-can. I did pick people off the whole time but wished I could have made up more ground than I did. I felt frantic and could never relax or get warm, all culminating in a sub-par performance. I finished in 32nd place in a time of 26:30. On the bright side, I ran 20s faster than last year in worse conditions, so that’s something to be mildly happy about.

Freezing in the background



Sadly I seem to have an influence on the other girls, as they also sported summer outfits for the race and were equally frozen throughout. Nice work G.I. Jane! To make matters worse, I forced Meghan to borrow spikes for the race, resulting in her limping off the finish line with an injured achilles. So just to summarize my impressive coaching accomplishments, I pretty much enforced a) a lack of focus, b) unhealthy eating and drinking habits, c) a negative attitude, d) improper attire and e) injuries on the girls on the day of their first National Championship. I would say this is quite a great list of feats, accomplished in a mere few hours.

After the race was another test of endurance that I had been preparing for just as intensely, perhaps moreso. I would have much rather blogged about the occurrences of the post-race party, but alas it is likely slightly inappropriate. Though I will say that Rob Kitz had a gold medal performance that day, even after pouring (not spilling. Pouring.) his drink all over me and nearly puking on me as well. I’m not sure what I did to him in the past that made me his target that night. Nevertheless, him and many others provided for great entertainment and so I must thank them. This includes a couple JCs who somehow managed to get kicked out of a RESTAURANT (not the bar. Restaurant. Though obviously they also got kicked out of the bar. Actually I stand corrected, since only one of them actually made it in – the other pulled a formidable COOLIS 2008.) Well, I think I have succeeded in being a sufficiently horrible role model for the weekend so I will stop here, but will leave you with my creative rap.

WEZ BE RUNNIN THROUGH THE BLIZZARD, GET-GETTIN SLIZZARD

Poppin spikes on the ice, in the blizzard
When we run we run it right getting slizzard
Feelin’ sizzurp in my stride, sub-26
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6

Gimme that fl-flask
Gimme that Gre-Grey Goose
Crowds love my style, runnin hard gettin wild
Get them shots poppin, we get that kick and then drop
Lose the competition, take 2 more, i won’t stop

(3:20) Hell Yeaaaa
Sprint it up, sprint-sprint it up
When sober crowds around me, they be actin like they drunk
They be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober crowds around me actin-actin like they drunk

Poppin spikes on the ice, in the blizzard
When we run we run it right getting slizzard
Feelin’ sizzurp in my stride, sub-26
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6

Runnin on, sippin on sizz, Ima ma-make ya fizz
Peeps i keep it gangsta, poppin’ shots up the hill
This is how we run, every single day
Take that flask to the face, and let me see you fly

(3:20) Hell Yeaa
Run it up, run-run it up
When sober crowds around me, they be actin like they drunk
They be actin like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober crowds around me actin-actin like they drunk

Poppin spikes on the ice, in the blizzard
When we run we run it right getting slizzard
Feelin’ sizzurp in my stride, sub-26
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6

It’s that finish line bump, make you put yo kick up
Make you put yo kick up, put yo, put yo kick up
(You can’t catch me)
It’s that finish line bump, make you put yo kick up
Make you put yo kick up, put yo, put yo kick up
(You can’t catch me)
Hell Yeaaaa, Make you put yo kick up, put yo put yo kick up
Hell Yeaaaa, Make you put yo kick up, put yo put yo kick up

Poppin spikes on the ice, in the blizzard
When we run we run it right getting slizzard
Feelin’ sizzurp in my stride, sub-26
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m runnin so fly like a G6

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