Monday, June 10, 2013

Life of Coolis

I just came across an autobiography I wrote in high school. Not only does it recount my past in a hilariously blunt fashion, but prophecizes an interesting future. I couldn't resist but share this with those who know me. In the end, I learned that while you never can guess what the future may hold, some things never change; i.e. cancer, zebra and pink. #Jane 

...that, and PhDs 'take a long time.'


Once upon a time there lived a girl born on the 20th of December, 1984, in Grace Hospital. At the age of seven months she bellowed her first word, which her parents would then hear for the next nine years as an answer to any question: “NO!” Five months after this she marched up onto her feet and took her first steps, yelling: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”all the way back to the floor.



Soon enough this girl became aware of another creature lingering around her: it was her brother, an aspiring fireman.  Although he was shy, kind, reserved and four years older than her, this girl showed no respect; she yelled at him and hit him whenever she pleased, for no apparent reason. His dream to be a fireman was perhaps a reflection of the fact that he wished to protect people from dangerous people like his sister...

Her frequent outbursts also had an effect on her teachers at school. She began kindergarden at the age of four, where she managed to upset all of her teachers by insisting on doing the exact opposite of what she was asked to do; this, in her parents’ eyes, an improvement on her usual answer of “NO!”



After her brother set part of her family’s house on fire, a fire that this brave fireman did not manage to put out despite his fierce attempts at blowing on it, her family moved to a new house near Jericho.

She started to take ballet and piano lessons to alleviate the stress of her company from her parents. This was something that she grew to like very much, and through dancing she discovered  a new way to express her feelings.



In grade four her parents decided to take her and her brother to Paris, France, to go to school, in the hopes of improving her attitude. Sure enough, her mean and strict teachers put her in her place after only six months, and upon returning to Canada she was a changed girl.



At school she met a girl who was to become her best friend for the rest of her life. Although Shandyce moved to another school the year after they met, they still kept in touch.

In grade six she took a trip with her school to Quebec, where she stayed with French correspondents. This trip enlightened her even more than her trip to France about other cultures. Soon she wanted to travel everywhere.



In grade seven she got braces to fix the wide gap in between her two front teeth. During the summer she went to camp Elphinstone where she became very homesick; it was the first time she had been away from her parents for a long period of time.

In grade eight she got a dog and a cat, Hershey and Hazel, to whom she grew very fond of and very close to. However, two years later her dog was hit by a car and almost killed, which caused her much grief.


In the summer of grade nine she got her first job as a lab assistant at UBC. She also did many ballet camps in the summer which improved her ballet skills. This was very important as she was a serious dancer and continued to dance for the rest of her life. In grade nine she also started to take jazz and modern.

Her brother graduated from Kitsilano Secondary School and sadly did not become a fireman, but went into sciences instead. The fire he set in his old house clearly made a very strong mark on him; he must have come to the harsh realization that a fire can not be put out by blowing on it.



In grade ten she went on a trip to France with her school where she stayed with French correspondents once again. Upon her return she was awarded with top scholar, the information technology award and the drama award at the awards ceremony in June of 2000.

At the end of grade eleven she went on a trip to Cuba with the school. She also participated in an opera performance, where she danced for the audience during the intermissions.


She graduated from Kitsilano Secondary School, managing to get on the Principal’s List nine out of twelve times. From there she went straight to Princeton on scholarship. She focused mainly on sciences such as chemistry, biology, physics, math and calculus, but also took English and literature.

As well as doing to school she continued to dance ballet, mainly to keep in shape. She also joined many groups and got herself involved in the social life at Princeton. After completing three years of university, she decided to go travelling around the world.



The countries she visited included Africa, Australia, Brazil, Greece, England, Italy, Russia, Switzerland and France. She picked up on many languages along the way. Her parents, being very nice people, paid for her trip. (The one instance where she did not respond: “NO!”?!)

She then completed with Vancouver Marathon which she had been training for for many years. Her time was three hours and twenty minutes.



Upon her return to University she had much more knowledge of the world, which helped her complete her fourth and final year of University. She took two years and got her masters in physics. She then went to Harvard to get a PhD in physics, which took her quite a long time.



During her time at Princeton she met a very smart man who was fun and very sensible. She fell deeply in love with him and him with her; they were clearly meant for each other. However, when she went to Harvard they were separated for some time. However, he surprised her by coming to the United States to tell her that he was offered a job as a professor at the University of British Columbia. After receiving her PhD she joined him in Canada where they were married, her 27 and him 28.



She became a very successful scientist, although she got tired of physics and started to study gene therapy. After many years she came up with the cure for cancer. She became world famous and saved many lives.

Because her husband’s job as a professor, they went to conferences together all across the world. They had two kids, a boy and a girl. They bought a summer home in Australia and went there every summer with their kids to relax. Sometimes she brought her brother and his wife, both successful computer scientists. She also owned a pink jaguar with zebra interior.





The end.


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